美國晚間脫口秀笑話一周精選（5月29日）

"There are some people who are saying that maybe Dick Cheney is setting himself up to actually run for president. You know, it makes sense. Republicans are looking for fresh blood, and Cheney just had some yesterday." --Bill Maher
有人說迪克·切尼可能正在籌劃自己競選總統(tǒng)的事兒，你別說，這還真有道理。共和黨人正在尋求新鮮血液，切尼昨天正好有點(diǎn)。——比爾·馬歇

"The other day George Bush gave a speech at a graduating high school class. He told the kids it's interesting the way life turns out, and now he finds himself walking the dog and picking up poop. Finally, something he can actually find. He couldn't find Osama, he couldn't find the weapons of mass destruction. If only we'd be attacked by dog s**t, we'd be OK. … Oh, poor George Bush, picking up after some unthinking creature's mess. Well, now he knows how Obama feels." --Bill Maher
前些日子，喬治·布什給一個高中畢業(yè)班做了一場演講。他告訴孩子們說人的一生是很有趣的，現(xiàn)在他發(fā)現(xiàn)他自己溜著狗，撿撿狗的糞便。最終，他可以找到什么東西了。他沒能找到本·拉登，他沒能找到大規(guī)模殺傷性武器。如果我們只會被狗狗的糞便攻擊，這倒無所謂了。哦，可憐的喬治·布什，處理著一些沒有腦子的生物留下的爛攤子，嗯，現(xiàn)在他知道奧巴馬是什么感受了。——比爾·馬歇
 

"Hey, last night at a fundraiser in Beverly Hills, people paid $30,000 to attend a dinner and a discussion with President Barack Obama. The subject of the discussion? The struggling economy ... Let me tell you something, if you spend $30,000 on dinner, aren't you legally a Republican at this point?" --Jay Leno
嘿，昨天晚上比弗利山莊有一場募捐晚宴，人們花了3萬美金和奧巴馬總統(tǒng)一起出席一場晚宴和一個討論會。討論的主題？我們苦苦掙扎的經(jīng)濟(jì)……我跟你們說哦，你要是花了三萬塊錢就為了個晚宴，你這一刻不就變成共和黨人了么？——杰·雷諾

"North Korea tested another nuclear bomb. The fear is that North Korea will sell this nuclear weapon to some unstable, volatile world leader, you know, like Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno
朝鮮測試了另一顆核彈。值得擔(dān)心的是朝鮮可能會把這種核武器賣給一些不穩(wěn)定的、善變的世界領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人，比如迪克·切尼這樣的。——杰·雷諾

"Before she left for China, reporters repeatedly questioned House Speaker Nancy Pelosi about her claim the CIA lied to her. But Pelosi remained tight-lipped. She also remained tight-foreheaded and tight-eyelided." --Jay Leno
在去中國之前，記者們一直追問白宮發(fā)言人南希·佩洛斯關(guān)于她說中情局對她說謊的事情。但是佩洛斯嘴巴一直很緊。她還有很緊的前額和很緊的眼瞼。——杰·雷諾

"The National Archives lost a hard drive with massive amounts of valuable data from the Clinton Administration. It contained Bill Clinton's to-do list, 500 people long." --Jimmy Fallon
 GJ檔案館丟了一塊重要的硬盤，里面有大量克林頓政府時期的數(shù)據(jù)。里面有克林頓的to-do列表，有500個人那么長。——吉米·法倫

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